chillin’

Seated.

Hurtling in a steel pressurized tube, thousands of meters up in the cold atmosphere, over under and through cottony clouds of future storms or gentle mist, rattling through solid air, bouncing flaps of shaped metal holding me and a hundred others between earth and heaven, with me seated at 6L. And myself, hurtling towards middle age, in a pressurized society with expectations and conventions long adopted as I grew older and gained responsibility for others – Love! Love is what did it, oh, that Faustian bargain between pleasure and loneliness, between freedom of responsibility and responsibility to ensure the freedom of others while trying to keep them safe, close, protected, and happy. What are those things we give up as we age or do we not give them up but replace them with other things – the rediscovery of my ‘old’ self only to find that it is always there, under the surface, accumulated and showing in my ‘current’ self in ways only I can really see, only I can really choose, only I can say when to bring it out. But less and less do I bring it out.

And.

Fake it may seem, but the younger ones around me remind me that I too was unfettered and careless like them, exploring the world and challenging assumptions, that it is not hard for me to bring things slightly back to the fore, to reintegrate what I was with what I became, to recognize and nuture the core. And to figure out that the mix that the world now presents might not even had existed earlier, the old is new today just by the absence of what is normal today – technology, music, experimentation, populations, politics, travel, pollution, business, bodies, mores, morals, religion – though all were there then, they are unrecognizable now, unthinkable then, normal now, rare then. There are some things that never change, but get twisted in new ways or not at all, but all the same, the players are all different and mix-mess the message mixage such that the co-opting of the old is a rehash to the older yet beguiling to the clueless younger.

Time and again.

Idle time is growing and it’s when the Devil comes out only because the Devil revels in making us doubt, fear, hesitate, hate, greed, reach too far, have ‘good’ intentions, think we are right, try to do right when we say the others are wrong and we will fix it all! But, the Devil is just the backside of God, who wants us to have these whole ranges of emotions so that in the end God walks on the stage, brilliant and triumphant, soothing, calming, telling us we are right to be subject to the Devil, but now it’s time to go home, take a nice hot shower, change into fresh PJs, and slip into the freshly washed sheets of a comfortable bed with a down pillow to rest our weary heads full of all the worries the Devil has tormented us with, rest our tired mind so that we can have weird but entertaining dreams that only reflect the Devil’s torments, but are gone when we wake up, rest our aching brains, so that we can remember we do go to sleep to dream, because in the dreams we believe that it is all unreal, but that’s a disservice, since we need to also believe that reality is unreal, that we must laugh at it all and not take it seriously, lest we take ourselves too seriously and lose perspective, lest we forget that the only true thing is the Love that binds us together.

Asunder.

Not as long as there is Love – can’t live with it or without it, though the bargains we make for Love aren’t always necessary and we must learn to give and force the other to learn to give too, since Love is limitless like the Sun, more limitless than the Sun, since there is no physics to bind it to anything we understand, but we know it for what it is – it grows effortlessly, captures souls with ease, slices egos unheedingly, as hard to give as to take, as simple to dole out as to receive. Tying back to deals for Love, it’s worth it, the alternative of loneliness or togetherness without sharing and giving and taking Love and multiplying Love with little bundles of Love – children, creations, thoughts, kindness, charity, hope, help – is not what we are wired to do.

I have known.

And I have experienced Love at it greatest – bursts of energy, emotion, fire, fierce passion, intense anger, deep despair, fear of loss, fear of hurt, fear for the little bundles, fear of loneliness, but more importantly, the understanding that Love is long term and stings and burns and is uplifting and is exhilarating and is orgasmic and puts everything in contrast that it kills, it gives birth, it creates, it destroys, it Loves and Hates and Loves again.

Clarity.

In vision, the mind is as important as the eyes – to see the object, to see the context, to see the history, to see every detail from the visible to the invisible, from the world we live in to the fabric of the universe which so few grasp, composed of emptiness, of energy, of pinches in space, of congregations of multidimensional manifestation that in the end are all connected in so many levels, where one tug pulls the entire universe in unexpected way. Oh, how we are so blind for being able to see in restricted wavelengths, in restricted space, in restricted imagination, in restricted scales, in restricted dimensions. Yet, how clever we are in speculating, in working hard to reverse creation to tease apart the foundation upon which the whole universe works, simply because we are curious? no, simply because we need to know if Love matters.

Complexification.

Start with the basics – no, not food, security, shelter, don’t limit yourself to something as mundane as those human basics that are so far down the basics to the greater universe – basics, like energy, vibrations of the dimensions, some big, some small, some rolled up, some behind the curtain of other dimensions, then pinch them up in small packages that clump up and clump up until we can start to see them when we bash protons at huge massive speeds, than these clumps keep clumping until they start affecting other clumps in interesting ways and they start putting each other in relation to each other until we get somewhere semi-understandable such as an electron or proton or neutron, all three which form the basic for our world. Hydrogen, Deuterium, Tritium, BANG!, Helium, we’re getting somewhere, Lithium, oh real chemistry, and so on, to bigger and more versatile, like Carbon, Oxygen, Nitrogen, Phosphorus – the backbone of DNA – and mix it all together onto another complexity level, with heat and light from little basic hydrogen doing it’s thing in a tight hot party of the universal gaseous mosh pit, and that complexity becomes stuff and BANG that stuff add another level of complexity all by itself, such that now it runs away from the rest of the universe, learning from hydrogen and temporarily putting entropy on hold so that it can play some more over immensely long periods of time – or short, depending on your time scale – until BANG molecules form cells form organisms forms BANG more, and that complexity forms thoughts and societies and religions and all and that complexity is sitting on a plane contemplating his navel and BANG? no bang yet, until we reach that next level of complexity, helped by interconnections, hypercubes of societies, connections form mind to mind, jettisoning our crude prosthetics for ‘instant’ communication until we learn, like the cells did to change our ways of individuality and then societies or clumps again of cells form clumps in societies which form clumps of what?

Interesting.

I think, therefore I am partial to others who think, even more so to those who think better than me, those without shame to think. I hereby declare my thinking status, beyond the day to day operational ‘basics’ of food, shelter, security, society, ambition, fulfillment, but toward that next level which we will never know, due to our ever brief flare of living on the earth, out tenuous hold on the future as who we are is gradually forgotten by those who come after us, though hopeful that some little something is passed on, absorbed by the general family, the general society, the general species, such that, as I look back to that thinker who came down from the tree and gave me the chance to be who I am today, my thoughts today add up to something and way down the line someone will be thankful and wondering about that guy who climbed up into the sky just to cross his tiny world, quaintly having to physically transport himself in a crude potential energy releasing machine, hurtling him through the air through a thin veil of atmosphere, over a thin crust of cold rock, on a tiny molten pebble, spinning around a tiny hydrogen lamp, whirling among other hydrogen lamps clumped together, part of a neighborhood of similar lamp cluster, forming a super group of cluster, in a small section of an expanding fabric of reality in something he had no clue about, but tried to understand.

Love.