Did she get out of bed for a glass of water?

Across the bed I felt – warmth? The cat. Stretching and coming over. Rubbing her whiskers on mine. Yes, come under the covers. Mmm, curled around you, little fuzz of warmth. A small thaw inside me.

Need to get up. It's been too long. Need to get up.

Oops, sorry kitty. I need to stretch, move, get the blood circulating, to my brain, to my eyes. Ungh, stretch, stretch, curve, stretch, curve to other way.

Uhhh.

What time – ?

Up, up. Move, move.

Ok, just sit up, swing legs.

Sit.

Sit.

Sigh – big sigh  – sit.

Hm, dry mouth, pasty.

Ungh, my knees are stiff, legs weak. Careful in the bathroom.

Oh, look at me.

Didn't even notice the glass, this glass, this –

I – I can't look at myself. I –

Oh.

Breathe.

Deep breath.

Deep. Breath.

I – No, I can't. I –

Deep Sigh.

Deep. Shuddering, soul cleansing, shudder and sigh and tears. Crap. Tears again and – I can’t stop shaking, sobbing.

Can’t breathe. I can’t breathe. Breathe. Breathe. Gasping between shuddering, wracking, sobs.

Better now.

Feels good.

Marching on. On my own. My own life now, the arrow continuing, but new configuration, new parameters, new future.

 

– 17feb10